I am a puffy-eyed mess!

I am a puffy-eyed mess…  

    I can’t shake this sense of urgency; I’ve never felt this before. Pictures like this one certainly don’t make this any easier.  My heart is sick for him and my eyes burn from crying thinking about how long it’s going to be, even in the best circumstances, before we can love on Little-Bit(Patrikas).

"Learn to do what is right. Seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the case of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow and orphan." 

-Isaiah 1:17

 

Expositor’s Commentary points out that Isaiah’s “rapid-fire” style here“underscores the authority and urgency of God's commands to His people(that’d be us too) to obey”. Immediate action.  James 1:22 nudges towards the same… “Do not merely be hearers of the Word, DO WHAT IT SAYS!” (paraphrased & emphasis added)  Go.  Now. Chop, chop.  Shake a leg.  Get off your fanny and start moving!  

 

    So here’s the thing, what happens when the reader and researcher of said verses (i.e. Me) receives the intended message but is faced with the very real, not fast, un-urgent, process?  You wait, that’s what.  Pardon me… I wait.  (You read about me waiting… and hopefully pray too!)  

    Yes, I realize I’m 4 weeks into this.  Yes, I know I need to pace myself.Don’t judge me, I’m new. Patience is not one of my strengths. I’m still accommodating this odd process.  So different than when I was pregnantto add to our family… 1. I already know what Patrikas looks like.  2. I know [some of] how much he needs (developmentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually) 3. I don’t know how long it will be before I get to meet him (at least with pregnancy you know it’ll usually be about36-40 weeks). 4. He’s not technically mine yet. And, 5. There’s a contract involved.  …All of these things are the opposite of having a natural child.  There is one similarity however, that I did not see coming; I am emotional as all get out! (…Hence the heartsickness and puffy-burny-crybaby-eyes.)

    As far as an update, our application was approved! YAY! We got our Commitment Contract from An Open Door Adoption Agency on Monday(Today is Friday) and it’s not signed much less mailed yet.  Why, especially with all this talk of urgency?  (I need to preface this with: I’m not saying any of this to pressure anyone into donating.  It’s just what we’re dealing with right now. But feel free to donate as the Spirit leads! J) With the signed contract they also need a check for $2000 for them to send us our Dossier.  This tells them that we are very serious about pursuing Patrikas; it also means that he will be unavailable to anyone else and the people in Lithuania now know our names as Patrikas’ potential parents.

The Dossier, in case you are unfamiliar, is the magic packet of information the governments involved, in our case the U.S. and Lithuania, need sayingthat we are who we say we are, among A LOT of other stuff.  That is to say, we are not human traffickers nor are we any other form of perverse humanness; we are healthy, we are genuine, and we promise to love Patrikas like he was our own flesh.  The Dossier will travel ahead of us gathering various signatures from Idaho’s government, the U. S. State Department, and finally, Lithuania’s Central Authority. 

    Anyway, seeing as how we don’t currently have the full $2000 yet the contract will remain unsigned, our Dossier will continue to be unsent, and we will now get creative in how we can raise what’s needed. Needless to say, I’m rethinking everything in my house reconsidering our need for itso that it can be sold for adoption funding.  Thankfully, the adoption agency is ok with staying in a holding pattern until we have the needed amount to send them.  

    And did I mention that in addition to all of that we also have our Homestudy beginning?  That’s another magic packet of information &reports on us & our family, plus adoption training hours, and home visits. It also has a cost of $1400 but that won’t be due for another 6-8 weeks; that’s ages away compared to the Dossier’s ASAP status. In the Homestudy, every fiber of our household, including all 7 of us, will be turned upside-down and inside-out to ensure our readiness and safety for little Patrikas.  We just received that packet yesterday; it’s pretty intense.  I have to say this though: I do not resent this privacy-violating process, the idea of being scrutinized is not my favorite, but it’s necessary to protect little ones… it’s not personal; it’s due diligence.  (…Remind me of that later when I’m whining about it, would you please?)

   So generally, I’m starting to feel the gravity of what we’re doing.  It’s pretty huge.  Like I was telling my good friend, and adoptive mama herself, Sharon; I’m not nervous or fearful about the adoption itself; about having a new personality being added to our family dynamic, the magnitude of Little-Bit’s needs, or even having a crib in my room again.  (I’ve already made space!) At this point, as I’m sure will be the case throughout, the hard part is battling the unbelief that God will provide and, in looking at this ginormous stack of papers that is our contract, the legal aspect of it.  The possibility of missing some key sentence worth of vital information that could cause a big fat delay and this is just the beginning.(Remember that sentence for when I start on the Dossier… *Ugh!* Expect neurotic, OCD-like behavior) As for right now, just like with a pregnancy,I’ll consider it labor only in the form of paperwork… hard and sometimes tedious work for a dang good reason.

     As for the unbelief, I’m thankful for God’s mercy and scriptures likeMark 9:23-24 showing us that Jesus himself addresses this subject directly and that we can and should ask for help in the midst of our unbelief to overcome it and that we have the freedom to ask & receive forgiveness for it. There’s also 1Cor. 10:13 where Paul tells us that we arenot tempted beyond what is common for man and that God, who is faithful, always provides a way to stand up under it; whether that be through friends (or husbands) bearing the burden with us speaking truth into our life; scripturally smacking us back in line if needed, or allowing us to be extra sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s correction, guidance, and reassurance, or the most obvious; scripture itself...  Whichever way it happens, through all of this, regardless of how early into the process I am… I get to experience God’s grace and mercy in ways I’ve not been able to before now and for that I’m deeply thankful.

In Christ,

Meg

Why are you afraid?

When He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered with the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep. And they came to Him and woke Him, saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing!" He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. (Matthew 8:23-26 NASB)

Adoption is huge. It's hard. It's the right thing to do if you really believe God's Word. I'd heard it for a long time. I knew inside that it was all those things. But, to be frank, I was selfish. I knew that God was asking me for more. Is He asking everyone? Yes. Does that mean that you should start the adoption process right now? No. But, should you do something hard, something sacrificial, to tend to widows, orphans, and the needy? Yes. What we were doing in our family, what we're still doing is important, and is the right thing to do, but, for us, it was 'phoning it in.' Our giving to Compassion International (a fabulous organization) is helpful to Jorge, our sponsored child in Nicaragua, but it isn't sacrificial. It's, frankly, too easy. We don't even have to write a check, it just comes out of our account each month with no thought or effort on our part. I wanted that non-effort to count for our family. But, God had bigger plans for us.

A couple of months ago, Dan (our pastor) asked us to read the Gospel of Matthew for our Adult Community Groups leadership meeting. In a rare turn of events, I actually did...

The above verses grabbed me, then. They grabbed me again last night at our most recent ACG meeting. Jesus asking the disciples, "why are you afraid?" He was asking me, too. That's the beauty of where I am now. I'm not afraid. I am finally in a place where I can look at this mountain that's in front of me, realize that there's absolutely no way up it, and I can turn to God. I can put it on Him. I can say, "I can't do this, but You can!" And He is. He is.

It is incredibly humbling to be this broken down. To finally be a man who can trust God first, and his own efforts second. I used to operate with an attitude of "I'll bang out what I can, then when I fall short, I'll throw it to God and He'll give me a hand." Those times are behind me. They should have been a long time ago. Trust Him first, then act out of that trust. That's what He expects of us. That is His desire for our lives. Not just for adoption, for every facet of our lives.

Rich

p.s.
Status update:

Fundraising is starting to ramp up. Meg (with the help of some other great ladies) is cranking out knitted fingerless gloves, and my boys and I are making paracord bracelets to sell. If you're interested in either, get in touch with us through our personal Facebook pages, or leave a comment on this post.

Also, our application is being reviewed, and we are beginning the search for someone to perform our Home Study. This is our fist financial hurdle as well, as most estimates we've heard on the cost of the Home Study put it somewhere in the neighborhood of $800-$1600. We'll let everyone know when we're going on that.

Wondering why?

James 1:27

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: To look after orphans and widows in their distress and keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Dear friends and family,

About 18 months ago God started whispering to my heart about considering adoption when our Student Ministries Pastor and his wife (Todd & Summer Roughton) were at the beginning of their own adoption. At the time my body was a mess of unchecked Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, and chronic back & neck pain; not the best scenario to introduce a little one into.

I started praying about it and, during yet another experience in hearing God’s desire for us to adopt through a speaker at a Homeschooling Conference, I asked Rich to start praying about it too. The subject of adoption kept coming up through any avenue God saw fit to use; movies, books, bible studies, and of course, scripture. It was undeniable and unavoidable; Jesus had a plan for our family. We’ve taught our boys that it doesn’t matter how much you study the bible; you have to live it. In short, they were on board long before we were.

God has moved mountains in our world to accommodate obedience. He’s addressed nearly all of my physical issues, including the latest surgery on my back that should resolve most of my daily pain! The fitting response to getting a second chance at a normal life is to extend that blessing to a little one who’s chance at basic survival is disturbingly low. (Internationally, 80% of special needs children who age-out and are then institutionalized, die within the 1^st year.) Then finally, God softened and spoke to Rich’s heart on the subject; although in his defense he is already pretty dang tender!

So where do we start? There’s so much need. I looked at so many websites and read so many biographies of waiting children and what captured my heart was a 3 year old Down’s syndrome little boy named Drake (Patrikas in Lithuanian) and he lives in Lithuania. He was the only one out of all those kids that had stated in his bio, “He’s 3 years old and nobody visits him. No one is interested in him.” My heart broke. The Holy Spirit whispered, “Yes.” and that’s all it took. We’re praying he is still available and even if he’s not, I was blessed and burdened with a glimpse of how Jesus feels about these forgotten special little ones and we will continue in our search for the son we haven’t met yet.

With all that said, the fact is adoption is expensive, annoyingly so, however it shouldn’t be a hindrance in our obedience. We’ll be able to put a large amount towards the balance with our tax return in mid- February and selling things we’ll be making like bracelets & knitted fingerless mittens, but even with that we’ll still need help. Thankfully there is a sum of money that’s been donated toward Drake’s adoption through a website called Reece’s Rainbow, but there’s still a large amount needed. We’re asking that you pray about donating towards bringing home the little one God has waiting for us. This will, no doubt, prove to be the hardest and most amazing experience of our family’s life. No matter what you decide, we ask that you join us in continual prayer.

All for Him,

Meg, Rich, & the Boys: Jake, Jadin, Emmett, Teigan, Dax, & little Drake…

The sooner we get this money (& paper work) in the sooner he comes home to his forever family, it could even be as soon as February if we can raise the money fast!

Thank you!