Friday, November 22, 2013

I am a puffy-eyed mess!


I am a puffy-eyed mess  

    I can’t shake this sense of urgency; I’ve never felt this before. Pictures like this one certainly don’t make this any easier.  My heart is sick for him and my eyes burn from crying thinking about how long it’s going to be, even in the best circumstances, before we can love on Little-Bit(Patrikas).

"Learn to do what is right. Seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the case of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow and orphan." 
-Isaiah 1:17

 

Expositor’s Commentary points out that Isaiah’s “rapid-fire” style hereunderscores the authority and urgency of God's commands to His people(that’d be us tooto obey”Immediate action.  James 1:22 nudges towards the same “Do not merely be hearers of the Word, DO WHAT IT SAYS! (paraphrased & emphasis added)  Go.  Now. Chop, chop.  Shake a leg.  Get off your fanny and start moving!  

 

    So here’s the thing, what happens when the reader and researcher of said verses (i.e. Me) receives the intended message but is faced with the very real, not fast, un-urgent, process?  You wait, that’s what.  Pardon me… I wait.  (You read about me waiting… and hopefully pray too!)  

    Yes, I realize I’m 4 weeks into this.  Yes, I know I need to pace myself.Don’t judge me, I’m new. Patience is not one of my strengths. I’m still accommodating this odd process.  So different than when I was pregnantto add to our family… 1. I already know what Patrikas looks like.  2. I know [some of] how much he needs (developmentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually) 3. I don’t know how long it will be before I get to meet him (at least with pregnancy you know it’ll usually be about36-40 weeks)4. He’s not technically mine yetAnd, 5. There’s a contract involved.  …All of these things are the opposite of having a natural child.  There is one similarity however, that I did not see coming; I am emotional as all get out! (Hence the heartsickness and puffy-burny-crybaby-eyes.)

    As far as an update, our application was approved! YAY! We got our Commitment Contract from An Open Door Adoption Agency on Monday(Today is Friday) and it’s not signed much less mailed yet.  Why, especially with all this talk of urgency?  (I need to preface this with: I’m not saying any of this to pressure anyone into donating.  It’s just what we’re dealing with right now. But feel free to donate as the Spirit leads! J) With the signed contract they also need a check for $2000 for them to send us our Dossier.  This tells them that we are very serious about pursuing Patrikas; it also means that he will be unavailable to anyone else and the people in Lithuania now know our names as Patrikas’ potential parents.

The Dossier, in case you are unfamiliar, is the magic packet of information the governments involved, in our case the U.S. and Lithuania, need sayingthat we are who we say we are, among A LOT of other stuff.  That is to say, we are not human traffickers nor are we any other form of perverse humanness; we are healthy, we are genuine, and we promise to love Patrikas like he was our own flesh.  The Dossier will travel ahead of us gathering various signatures from Idaho’s government, the U. S. State Department, and finally, Lithuania’s Central Authority. 

    Anyway, seeing as how we don’t currently have the full $2000 yet the contract will remain unsigned, our Dossier will continue to be unsent, and we will now get creative in how we can raise what’s needed. Needless to say, I’m rethinking everything in my house reconsidering our need for itso that it can be sold for adoption funding.  Thankfully, the adoption agency is ok with staying in a holding pattern until we have the needed amount to send them.  

    And did I mention that in addition to all of that we also have our Homestudy beginning?  That’s another magic packet of information &reports on us & our family, plus adoption training hours, and home visits. It also has a cost of $1400 but that won’t be due for another 6-8 weeks; that’s ages away compared to the Dossier’s ASAP status. In the Homestudy, every fiber of our household, including all 7 of us, will be turned upside-down and inside-out to ensure our readiness and safety for little Patrikas.  We just received that packet yesterday; it’s pretty intense.  I have to say this though: I do not resent this privacy-violating processthe idea of being scrutinized is not my favorite, but it’s necessary to protect little ones… it’s not personal; its due diligence.  (…Remind me of that later when I’m whining about it, would you please?)

   So generally, I’m starting to feel the gravity of what we’re doing.  It’s pretty huge.  Like I was telling my good friend, and adoptive mama herself, Sharon; I’m not nervous or fearful about the adoption itself; about having a new personality being added to our family dynamicthe magnitude of Little-Bit’s needs, or even having a crib in my room again.  (I’ve already made space!) At this point, as I’m sure will be the case throughout, the hard part is battling the unbelief that God will provide and, in looking at this ginormous stack of papers that is our contract, the legal aspect of it.  The possibility of missing some key sentence worth of vital information that could cause a big fat delay and this is just the beginning.(Remember that sentence for when I start on the Dossier… *Ugh!* Expect neurotic, OCD-like behavior) As for right now, just like with a pregnancy,I’ll consider it labor only in the form of paperwork… hard and sometimes tedious work for a dang good reason.

     As for the unbelief, I’m thankful for God’s mercy and scriptures likeMark 9:23-24 showing us that Jesus himself addresses this subject directly and that we can and should ask for help in the midst of our unbelief to overcome it and that we have the freedom to ask & receive forgiveness for itThere’s also 1Cor. 10:13 where Paul tells us that we arenot tempted beyond what is common for man and that God, who is faithful, always provides a way to stand up under it; whether that be through friends (or husbands) bearing the burden with us speaking truth into our life; scripturally smacking us back in line if needed, or allowing us to be extra sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s correction, guidance, and reassurance, or the most obvious; scripture itself...  Whichever way it happens, through all of this, regardless of how early into the process I am… I get to experience God’s grace and mercy in ways I’ve not been able to before now and for that I’m deeply thankful.


In Christ,

Meg

No comments:

Post a Comment